01 Mar #1 Dancing With Myself (Balance 2021)

Each year, I collaborate with God to choose an orienting word on which to focus. As I wrote about in my final blog post of 2020, I went on a major Karate Kid and Cobra Kai binge to cap off the year. 

There were so many unexpected gems of wisdom in this series, but one concept resonated with me above the rest: balance. So, for me, 2021 is the year of balance. 

Since I’m dedicating this year to learning how to strike a healthier balance in every area of my life, I decided to start a series of blog posts where I share candidly about my journey. I’ll add to this series throughout the year. 

I’m looking forward to this series because I believe it will challenge me to practice vulnerability and honesty.

Speaking of being vulnerable, today I had a nice time of prayer, reading, and reflection. At the end of it, I felt God calling attention to something that may seem meaningless on the surface. I have a bit of a fear of dancing in front of other people (ok… maybe it’s larger than ‘a bit’.)  Even more to this point, I have a self-fulfilling fear of being too uptight around people. This fear is self-fulfilling in the sense that the fear itself tends to lead to more uptightness, at least in the way I experience certain social settings.

Where does this fear originate? It’s hard for me to know for sure. I can’t help but think that part of this fear was emphasized in my teenage years. Adolescence was the period of time where my friend group was too cool to risk looking stupid in front of anyone at risk of being publicly insulted and humiliated. I’m sure this experience isn’t unique to me. 

On top of that, what about all of the new dances that people do that I don’t know how to do? Won’t my lack of familiarity with those dances re-inforce how stupid I look? 

Here’s another, perhaps more important question. Why did God bring this up to me during my oh-so-sacred quality time with him? I immediately had more clarity about the answer to this question.

First, it didn’t surprise me that God would bring this up because that is the type of relationship we have. I thoroughly believe that God is interested in being involved in every area of my life. I genuinely trust that he cares deeply about everything related to me. His capacity for attentiveness knows no bounds.

Second, Jesus made it clear that he came to pave the way to authentic freedom, which I see as an extension of his boundless care for us (John 8:36). I believe that fear is the preeminent force threatening to hold all of us back from experiencing the life of freedom Jesus wants for us. So, as menial of a subject as my fear of dance might seem, I know that God brought it to my attention because wherever fear exists in my life, there is something deeper at play. 

Fear is insidious. Being afraid to dance in front of others seems harmless, but if I’m not careful to address this issue it will control me in more ways than this. I noticed that this fear even creeped into my comfort level of dancing by myself. This is the sneaky, dangerous progression that I’m talking about with fear. Allowing fear to control me doesn’t jive with the freedom Jesus was talking about. 

So what did I feel God telling me to do about this fear? As a part of my morning routine, I feel led to dance a little. I have a playlist of music that gets me going in the morning. A little 2Chainz. Some gospel music. This morning I felt God telling me to play this playlist and move. I’m not going to be legalistic about it. I may not dance every single morning, but I want to dance more often so that I can be more comfortable and at ease with myself by myself. I think God’s point was for me to give myself permission to experience the joy and freedom of being in my own body and enjoying movement. The more comfortable I am with myself, the easier that comfort level will extend to the social settings that sometimes get the better of me.

What about the fears of looking stupid and not knowing all the new dance moves? 

The response I felt to these fears this morning was that I need to remember why I’m dancing. For me, it isn’t about being accepted socially or looking cool. It isn’t about proving that I’m up on the latest trends in pop culture dance. My goal is to be more comfortable in my own skin by loosening up and expressing myself through movement. It’s not about being good at dancing. It’s about being good at loving and accepting myself. Might I still look stupid? Of course! But that doesn’t mean I can’t love and accept myself. Couldn’t the world use a bit more love and acceptance? It starts with each of us giving ourselves that gift.

So, to the beauty of my analytical and disciplined nature, I’m adding the counter balance of looseness and freedom by dancing with myself.

What are some areas into which you would like to add more balance this year? I’d love to hear about them. Perhaps your balance adjustments will inspire some in me. Feel free to reach out about this or any other of my blog posts. Thanks for reading!