08 Mar #2 EQ (Balance 2021)

In music, EQ shapes the sound of a sound source by adding or subtracting frequencies from that source (a general explanation). In the human experience, EQ, or emotional quotient (commonly referred to as emotional intelligence), heavily influences the way we experience the many frequencies of life. 

During this season of my life, I’m experiencing a lot of emotions. I’ve often heard it said that moving is one of the most stressful endeavors that a human being can undertake. I’m witnessing this stress firsthand.

Throughout this transition, the biggest character trait that is being tested in me is that of patience. I have always considered myself a very patient person but this particular set of circumstances has worked my patience muscles from a new angle. I’m grateful for these new challenges because they clarify areas of growth potential.

How is my patience being worked? My patience is being tested through having to endure a season of discomfort. I lived in my old house for over four years. When we first relocated to the Los Angeles area, my brother and I moved around a bit. This house was the first place that really felt like home in California. In the wake of moving, there has been an evasive sense of security. I’m grateful to recognize this sense of security for what it is… a sense brought about by the relative stability of our living situation.

As the tangible sources of comfort and familiarity are moving – all for good reason – I’m experiencing a swirl of emotions. Sometimes these emotions can be quite overwhelming. Other times they just nag at me like a chronic, low-grade headache. 

I’ve found comfort in using this time to work on my EQ. When I engage in practices that help me to be more aware of my emotions and their cause, I find great relief and the motivation to practice more.

A concept that I find helpful is seeing my emotions as dashboard lights. When the lights come on, I could ignore them, keep driving, and hope they go away. The response I’ve found more helpful has been to stop and address my emotional indicators.

Four questions give me insight as to how to move forward with my emotional assessment:

 1.) Do I have the internal resources to do an emotional diagnostic at the moment? If not, what resources need replenishing and what is the best way to do so?

2.) Precisely speaking, what am I feeling?

3.) Thoroughly speaking, what is the root cause of my emotional response?

4.) At the root of my emotional response, is there a lie I’m believing that needs to be replaced with the truth?

These questions cause me to draw upon patience as well. I have to be able to slow down enough to patiently process through the answers to these questions. This requires discipline.

Slowing down and asking these questions is an unnatural and unfamiliar response for me (and probably for most). However, I find that the more I engage it the better I am at doing so. 

I’ve also found a great deal of effectiveness in dealing with my emotions this way. I measure effectiveness as my ability to have my emotions without them having me. My goal is to not let my emotions drive me to do things that don’t align with my values. 

The real game changer is inviting God into this process through honest, transparent prayer. I can’t process this type of stuff well on my own. Something happens when I can examine my heart with God. There’s a deeper level of understanding that I can reach about myself when God is there examining me with me. 

Oftentimes when I get to the root of an issue that triggered an emotional response, I find that there is a lie in a place where truth should be. Through wisdom and principle, inviting God into this process makes it possible for me to easily identify the lie and to replace it with the truth that belongs in its spot. 

Another important thing that I have to remind myself is to reach out to safe people who can also help me to process my emotions well. These are the people in my life who have built relational equity with me. These individuals are usually high in empathy. As I’m praying and inviting God into my situation, I also find it helpful to ask Him to guide me towards the right people who can help. These people also help to reorient my thinking around the truth. They can be with me in my emotions but they aren’t nearly as tempted to be taken by these emotions as I am. This gives them a more unobstructed view of the truth, an invaluable asset in emotionally charged situations.

Even after inviting God and the right people in, coming to believe the truth still takes practice. I have to tell myself the truth over and over in order to believe it, in the very same way that I have to practice a tough musical passage over and over in order to integrate it. When I continue to practice, eventually the thing I’m practicing becomes so familiar that engaging with it is effortless. In the same way, I used to struggle to believe certain truths in years past that I now take for granted.

Which emotions are the most difficult ones for you to manage? How do you fair at inviting God and the right others into your emotional management? What tips would you give for improving emotional intelligence. As always, I write these posts not to assume the position of an expert but to share a point of view in hopes that it will lead to helpful conversations. Feel free to like, share, and hit me up so I can learn from you.