26 Jan Public Journal :: 007 • How To Pay As Little As Possible

My book club is one of the most rejuvenating and inspiring relational environments my life. This group of encouraging and thoughtful individuals meets on a weekly basis to discuss the ideas and application we draw out of the literature we decide to read. 

The club agreed to act as my beta reader group for my upcoming book. They read the unedited, “director’s cut” version of my book and give me notes. Our discussions are rich with insight and depth. Each week brings out unique ideas and perspectives that stimulate me to think about my relationships in a deeper way.

In this week’s discussion on character, or as I’m terming it “Virtue Proficiency”, I brought this question to the table: What sort of behavior do we expect from people with exemplary character when they inevitably do something that goes against the virtues that they value? In other words, how do we expect virtuous people to respond when they do something wrong?

The group consensus was that a person with virtuous character takes appropriate responsibility and personal accountability for their actions. This person either possesses the self-awareness to know that they were in the wrong and owns up to it or responds humbly and gracefully to external accountability. The person with excellent character then does whatever is in their power to make the necessary correction and restitution, confirming their remorse with a change in behavior.

My friend Zachary brought an idea to this portion of the discussion that resonates deeply with me. He said that we also appreciate it when someone takes responsibility for their error quickly. 

He made a parallel to finances that I think is accurate. When we do something wrong we create a debt. That debt carries with it interest. The sooner we pay the debt, the less interest accrues. We all get this concept when it comes to money, but the same is true when we do something that creates a break in our relationship. The sooner we fully own our debt and do what we need to do to make it right, the less we have to pay. I think the way Zach put it is that owning your error right away is the time when it will cost you the least.

Isn’t that brilliant?

I’m finding that this idea also relates to my relationship with myself. I don’t keep my struggle with lust a secret. When I give into the temptation to engage with lust in a manner that goes against the virtues that I value, I create a break in my relationship with myself and my own personal health. God knows this and cares about us. It follows that He wants to empower us avoid this behavior for our own good. However, I realize that the sooner I can own this mistake, admit it to someone in my life, and learn from it so that I can do better in the future, the less the mistake will cost me. 

This is where the power of accountability comes into play. It does cost me something to hit up my accountability partners. The price is a little embarrassment at first and the discomfort of facing disappointment. However, with the right kind of accountability—the kind that doesn’t perpetuate shame but instead encourages and works with you as you learn how to make better decisions—the cost associated with coming forward with your failure immediately is minimal. I’d even argue that the investments in humility and self-awareness are benefits that outweigh the cost of coming forward immediately. 

What costs astronomically more is not coming forward immediately or, worse yet, not coming forward at all. We incur untold amounts of debt when we conceal. This debt eventually bankrupts all of our relationships and diminishes our character. 

Trust is the currency of this debt. Quickly owning up to our failure restores a certain amount of trust. Choosing not to face up when we’re at fault causes us to lose trust and that loss compounds on itself.

So how do we pay as little as possible for the mistakes we’ve made? What is the lowest cost option? And what does a person with exemplary character do when they get it wrong? 

Own mistakes quickly, thoroughly, and humbly. Make an honest course correction and do whatever you can to make it right.