22 Jun #4 As You Love Yourself (Balance 2021)

The pursuit of balance is the theme of the year for me. Now that we’re out of the COVID dog house and at the halfway point of 2021, I can look back a bit on the things I’ve learned about how to live with better equilibrium. 

Balance exploration is leading me inward to a place of honest, introspective examination. During this expedition, I found an internal voice constantly speaking. I visualize it as an internal tape machine constantly playing a revolving loop of recorded messages I’ve collected along the way.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that so many of these messages were negative in nature:

“I’m not good enough.” 

“I’m not attractive enough.” 

“I’m not experienced enough.” 

“I lack the necessary intelligence.” 

“My presence is unimportant.” 

“My voice doesn’t matter.” 

“I can’t trust myself to deliver when it matters most.”

These are just a few of the many messages I found playing on the loop. When I take the time to turn up the volume enough on these messages to notice that they are playing, I also recognize that they are untrue. The insidious thing is that these messages typically play loud enough to be perceived by some important part of my psyche, but low enough as to not be too conspicuous to my conscious self. 

If I’m not careful to make myself aware of these messages, they will influence me to live beneath my honor. 

What does it mean to live beneath one’s honor? 

Honor is the result of tapping into the truth of one’s infinite, inherent value. When we recognize that we are created in the image of God and embrace this identity for ourselves, we are much more likely to live according to what is honest and true. 

Living beneath one’s honor is living based on an identity concept that is less than honest. It isn’t based on the reality that your value is infinite. Instead, it shifts your value to the finite and introduces mistruths as representations of the self. When adopted, these mistruths shape our insecurities, distorting our concept of ourselves and reality.

The truth is that we all have insecurities. If you can strip down the distractions long enough and listen closely enough, I’d bet you would hear some recordings of your own playing. We all have messages because we all grow up in environments that hand them to us. Our families of origin instill a set of messages. Our chosen friend groups accept us, and then use the influence that comes with acceptance to pass us another set of messages. Broader social circles such as school, religious, and community organizations each have their own agendas carrying their own messaging. 

The word “agenda” may come across as a bit of shade. I assure you I don’t necessarily mean it to have negative connotations. Not every agenda is negative, nor is every message that we get from these sources.

And then there’s the media. Without spending too much time on the tempting proverbial soapbox, any shade assumed from previous statements can be redirected here. Let’s face it. The prevailing messages of culture are not positive. Most are actually quite destructive. Media and pop culture join forces to champion a focused agenda of shrinking the perception of personal value from the infinite to the finite. 

A myriad of cultural messages boils down to this: Your value is based on the external. Western culture constantly tries to convince us that performance, accolades, appearance, possessions, the cocktail of hype, clout, and fame comprising social status, are all the elements of your personal worth. Through the exploitation of these elements, the media and popular culture work together to diminish the perceived value of humanity. It is so easy to be deceived into believing that these factors determine our worth. Even more deceiving is the notion that we can control any of these external markers of value. Ultimately, the media and pop culture team up to form a quite effective and nefarious cabal, skillfully influencing us to chase the wind.

Rant over.

Where does all of this leave us? 

First, it leaves us with the burden of responsibility to make ourselves keenly aware of the predominant messages playing in our minds. Oftentimes, we can trace our actions back to the messages that form our beliefs.

Second, we must become proficient in the skill of separating lies from truth. This requires us to remove ourselves from the emotional and sensual factors that present themselves as ultimate reality. I believe this to be the root of most deceptions. 

A dynamic that influences bad feelings isn’t necessarily untrue. The truth may cause you to feel quite unpleasant in the short term, but facing it and dealing with it will actually make you better in the long term. Then you will feel better in a more lasting sense.

Conversely, lies may incite pleasant feelings in the immediate but will always lead to destruction in the ultimate.

What’s more? Jesus tells us that our knowledge of the truth will enable freedom in our lives (John 8:32).  The biblical writer and church planter Paul also encourages us to constantly fill our minds with “whatever is true”, promising that this practice is essential to achieving a state of peace in our lives (Philippians 4:8-9).

Here are a couple of messages I know to be true about all humans:

1. All humans have perfect value. It can’t be added to or taken away from by any factor. (This is not the same thing as proficiency, which is a marker of skill. This is a deeper, inherent value that every human, created in God’s image, receives at conception.)
2. We are all worthy of love, connection, and belonging. (This one comes from Brene Brown. Thanks Brene!)

One of the central ideas of Christianity is the concept of loving our neighbors as we love ourselves. Having been in Christian circles my entire life, I know that people could use much more clarity on what it looks like to actively love oneself in a genuinely healthy manner. 

In the context of our conversation, one very practical way to love ourselves is to get into the practice of telling ourselves the truth about ourselves… regularly and out loud. Paul presents us with another gem of wisdom, informing us that “faith comes by hearing…” (Romans 10:17). If we ever hope to build any level of faith in the truth about ourselves, it is important for us to hear it. It starts with us hearing it from ourselves.

It’s important for us to hear the truths about ourselves from ourselves because the root of belief starts from within. In turn, belief in the truth about ourselves leads to security. Security then is an inside-out dynamic which is another counter cultural idea. 

I know what you’re thinking… What if the truth is unpleasant? Won’t telling myself the truth about myself tear me down? 

My answer is: it isn’t necessary for the truth to tear you down. Your approach matters. Be kind to yourself. If something is both true and unpleasant, there’s no reason to add cruelty to the mix. You can be firm about the truth while maintaining loving graciousness. It is not necessary to put down kindness in order to pick up honesty. It is possible to hold both at the same time.

So what am I suggesting?

Two-way affirmations.

A proper affirmation is both true in its content and constructive in its approach. A two-way affirmation works from the inside out. It starts with your eyes closed and the phrase, “I am…” or “My ___ is…”. For the second part, open your eyes and look at yourself in the mirror. Then follows the phrase, “You are” or “Your ___ is…”. 

Here are some examples of some universal, two-way affirmations (feel free to use any of them because they are true about you):

1. My/Your worth is infinite. 
2. My/Your value is perfect.
3. I am/You are loved.
4. I am/You are worthy of love, connection, and belonging.
5. I/You have nothing to prove.
6. My/Your presence matters.
7. My/Your voice is important.
8. I/You have a good life.
9. I am/ You are neither lesser than nor greater than anyone else in value.
10. I love you. (Works both ways. This is an important one!)

Here’s another suggestion. Try making a list of the affirmations you need to hear each week. Ask yourself the question, “What truths about myself do I need to hear most this week?” I’ve done anywhere from 25 affirmations to 1 affirmation. I prefer lower numbers but you’ll have to try to see what suits you best.

Another idea is to affirm yourself based upon your core values. This week, I’m reminding myself the truth that I am disciplined and that this discipline enables me to build great things in my life.

The implications of this practice are staggering. Even if we all only believed the affirmation that we love ourselves, and began to live out of that truth, the world would be a much different place… a better one I think. 

This is the power of affirming yourself. For the love of you and the betterment of society I hope that you would begin to incorporate this practice in some small way.

What truths about yourself do you most need to hear this week? I’d love to read them. Send them to me if you feel so inclined! 🙂